1
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,020
Huh? Huh?

2
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:24,950
18,

3
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:35,260
19, 20. Yeah, I've been around a boy.
All I want for game is ball.

4
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:36,530
You concede defeat?

5
00:00:36,531 --> 00:00:37,639
No, of course not.

6
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,620
Game isn't over till it's won, isn't it?

7
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:40,910
What am I on, Sid?

8
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:41,970
Two. Two.

9
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,480
Right, here we go. Hang on.

10
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:45,680
He's chucking again. Take cover.

11
00:00:45,681 --> 00:00:50,399
It's only for all that, Sid. Oh, yes, it
is, mate. When you're throwing, the

12
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,020
only safe place is the dartboard.

13
00:00:52,021 --> 00:00:55,439
We're not all Robin Hoods. You're quite
right. When you chuck, it looks like

14
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,490
Maid Marian.

15
00:00:57,860 --> 00:00:58,910
Right, all right?

16
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:00,970
I'm sorry.

17
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,770
Go on, then.

18
00:01:04,771 --> 00:01:05,879
Here we go, then.

19
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,140
Get your foot back.

20
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,200
Which is the line, then?

21
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:10,850
Right, here we go.

22
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:17,990
Double D as Ed.

23
00:01:17,991 --> 00:01:20,979
Sorry about that, Tom. I'll get him down
later.

24
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:23,450
Yeah, I hope so. You got through four
sets tonight.

25
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:27,080
Just relax. You're chucking like a
maniac. That's a dart, not a javelin.

26
00:01:27,081 --> 00:01:30,519
I'm left -handed, Sid. Get the right
stance. Get your elbow in the kit. Right

27
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,679
shoulder forward. Talk your head over.
That's it. Yeah.

28
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:33,730
Right.

29
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:36,260
Where did that one go?

30
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,120
Sorry about that, Tom.

31
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,779
It was a ricochet. Stand by. Let the
master have a go. Eyes down for the

32
00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:45,500
arrow. There we are. Right. Two arms.
Pickle pipe.

33
00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:49,080
Evening, all.

34
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:50,390
Hello, it's Dixon.

35
00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,160
Just a joke.

36
00:01:53,161 --> 00:01:54,269
Evening, John.

37
00:01:54,270 --> 00:01:55,649
You would like a drink on duty?

38
00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:59,269
Certainly not, sir. It is an offence for
any police officer to partake of

39
00:01:59,270 --> 00:02:01,809
alcoholic beverages whilst in the course
of business.

40
00:02:01,810 --> 00:02:02,860
Oh, what a pity.

41
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,589
We'll ask you to have a drink, won't we,
sir? Thank you very much, sir. I'll

42
00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:06,640
have a whisky.

43
00:02:07,430 --> 00:02:08,690
I thought you were on duty.

44
00:02:08,970 --> 00:02:12,729
Not now I've removed my symbol of
authority, sir. Once my cap is on that

45
00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:14,730
top, I am, so to speak, ex -officier.

46
00:02:15,290 --> 00:02:16,590
Cheers. Yeah, cheers.

47
00:02:18,630 --> 00:02:20,980
By the way, sir, I've had a complaint
about you.

48
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:23,920
If it's that bird in the supermarket,
it's your own fault.

49
00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:28,160
You shouldn't have stood under that
sign, tried today's special offer.

50
00:02:30,130 --> 00:02:34,470
It's Mr. Barkley, Lane Inn Farm. Oh,
him, the Michael Caine of Fletchley.

51
00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:37,809
What's he on about now? Well, apparently
last Saturday you were in your top

52
00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:38,829
meadow muck spreading.

53
00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:41,909
Since when has that been a criminal
offence? It isn't, sir, but Mr. Barkley

54
00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:45,530
happened to be holding a barbecue and
the pong permeated into his patio.

55
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:51,059
What a shame. Probably improved it. He
gets on my wick. Yeah, and that goes for

56
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:54,759
my wick as well. Now, now, sir, we don't
want any feuding in Fletchley. I don't

57
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,279
know what you've got against Mr.
Barclay. He's efficient, wealthy, and

58
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,859
successful. Well, there's three things
for a start.

59
00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:03,339
It's his attitude I don't like. He looks
at us as though we're inferior.

60
00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:04,139
Compared to Mr.

61
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,700
Barclay, sir, you are inferior.

62
00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:08,699
Well, there's no need to keep reminding
us, is there?

63
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,079
Do you know what I hate about him, Sid?

64
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,299
He's patronising. That's right, he's...
If he comes in here and calls us city

65
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,710
slickers again, he'll get a bunch of
fives. Yeah.

66
00:03:15,711 --> 00:03:17,779
Good evening, gentlemen.

67
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,950
Good evening, Mr. Barclay. Good evening,
Mr.

68
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,140
Barclay. Good evening, Mr. Barclay. That
must be Mr.

69
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,450
Barclay.

70
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:25,980
How's the city flickers?

71
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:29,140
Here we are, Mr.

72
00:03:29,380 --> 00:03:30,520
Barclay. Thank you, Tom.

73
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,860
Still being licensed by the water board?

74
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,260
Very good, Mr.

75
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,040
Barclay. How about everybody?

76
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,459
Delirious. You have a drink while your
hat's off?

77
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:41,879
Thank you very much. I'll have the same
again. Thank you.

78
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,320
And how about our two aliens?

79
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,130
Aliens? We happen to come from London,
mate, not another planet.

80
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,910
As far as we're concerned, London is
another planet.

81
00:03:49,911 --> 00:03:53,679
What makes us so different, just because
we come from a big city?

82
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,090
You're in the country, men are men, not
pansies.

83
00:03:56,091 --> 00:04:00,919
You'll finish up with a blooming knuckle
sandwich, you will.

84
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,359
Mr. Turner, we don't want to breach into
the peace now.

85
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,970
A present company always accepted, of
course. Two pints for our friends.

86
00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:11,250
Oh, I do beg your pardon. It's halves
for the townies.

87
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:15,829
It'll be pints for the townies. Steady
on. We don't want to have to carry you

88
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:16,880
home.

89
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:21,819
You don't know who you're talking to, do
you, mate?

90
00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:25,679
I can hold my liquor. You're talking to
the seven times champion pub crawler

91
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,730
from Putney.

92
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,180
Hollow legs Turner, they used to call
him.

93
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,320
There's drinking and drinking.

94
00:04:31,321 --> 00:04:34,219
I'll drink you out of the table any
time, mate. Now, that's a very rash

95
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:36,959
statement. I'll show you how rash it is.
Put your money up. Are you challenging

96
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,220
me to a drinking contest?

97
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,450
How much?

98
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,690
Half a dollar.

99
00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:45,560
Are you sure you can afford it?

100
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,399
All right, then. What do you do like?

101
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,450
A fiver.

102
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,820
Fiver? Yeah, here's to it. Just a
minute.

103
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,140
Hollow legs, come on. Excellent.

104
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,060
There's just one thing. We won't be
using ladies' glottis.

105
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,760
Oh, I don't care. Use anything you like.
Come on. Very well.

106
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,150
Tom.

107
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:18,360
How many's that?

108
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,420
Number four for Mr. Turner.

109
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,899
you give in?

110
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:22,950
I beg your pardon?

111
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,880
Do you deceive confit?

112
00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:28,959
So,

113
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:35,939
number

114
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:38,100
five for Mr. Bartley. Have you had
enough?

115
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,770
Certainly not.

116
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,820
Don't look now, Sid, but I think your
hollow legs are a watch.

117
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:57,190
There was nothing in that either. That's
the one he just gave me.

118
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,020
I thought it was a smooth drink.

119
00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:03,840
Here you are, Mr. Turner.

120
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,640
Oh, wait, wait, wait. I think you've had
it, Mr. Turner.

121
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:10,660
Don't you believe it, mate?

122
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:13,310
Give him a hand, Sid. Oh, come on. It's
all right.

123
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,150
I did it!

124
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:45,240
There you are, Fanny. Come on, love.
Have your breakfast.

125
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:46,670
There's a good girl.

126
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,260
Oh, good morning to you.

127
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:52,680
How are you feeling?

128
00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:56,889
If I can just get over the next month,
I'll be all right. I wouldn't bet on it.

129
00:06:56,890 --> 00:06:58,410
Don't say that word. What word?

130
00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:01,430
Bet. Five nicker up the spout. Yeah, and
the rest.

131
00:07:01,431 --> 00:07:02,729
What rest?

132
00:07:02,730 --> 00:07:03,749
Don't you remember?

133
00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:07,429
Last thing I remember is flaking that
off to my fifth flagon. No, we brought

134
00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:09,949
round after that. You challenged, what,
Raven Mad?

135
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:13,200
Yeah. You challenged Bartley to darts,
dominoes, bar billiards.

136
00:07:13,510 --> 00:07:15,270
How'd I get on? You owe him 20 quid.

137
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,610
20 quid? Yeah.

138
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:21,470
Why didn't you stop me? I tried to stop
you, but you got very abusive.

139
00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:23,080
Did I? Yeah.

140
00:07:23,081 --> 00:07:23,949
Not like me.

141
00:07:23,950 --> 00:07:25,210
Do you know what you said?

142
00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:31,469
You said, keep your six -letter word
nose out of it, your Welsh five -letter

143
00:07:31,470 --> 00:07:35,650
word, mind your seven -letter word
business, and four -letter word off.

144
00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:39,000
Yes, you did.

145
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:42,729
And the constable's got it written down
as well, and you're going to hear from

146
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,390
him later. That's all I need.

147
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:46,360
Anybody about?

148
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:48,870
Oh, it's Super Farmer. Stay on the back.

149
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,080
Good morning, gentlemen.

150
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:57,559
How's the city flickers this morning?
You don't have to shout. We're not deaf.

151
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,660
Oh, dear. A little bit under the
weather, are we? I am not under

152
00:08:00,661 --> 00:08:02,039
That's not surprising, really.

153
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,290
We shouldn't expect you townies to be as
hardy as us country folk.

154
00:08:05,291 --> 00:08:09,999
Don't do that to me, your favourite.
You'd be amazed how hardy I am.

155
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,910
Well, if you don't mind me saying so, Mr
Turner, you look absolutely dreadful.

156
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:15,380
No, he always looks dreadful.

157
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:16,640
Oh, shut up.

158
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,360
I'm all right. I'm just steady as a
rock.

159
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,230
Yes, well, if I... I wouldn't shave till
after lunch.

160
00:08:22,231 --> 00:08:25,139
Well, Andy, just a slight tremor, that's
all. Tremor? Looks more like an

161
00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:26,190
earthquake.

162
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,420
Well, uh, Mr. Tanner? Yes?

163
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:30,970
Twenty pounds?

164
00:08:30,971 --> 00:08:34,239
Yes. Well, I was going to have a word
with you about that. No, don't tell me

165
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,779
you're going to Welsh on the bet. How
dare you? Of course I'm not going to

166
00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:40,139
Welsh. No, I'm glad to hear it. Yeah, so
am I. I mean, you want your money and

167
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:41,220
you're going to get it.

168
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,770
Now,

169
00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:44,209
which one is it?

170
00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:47,229
You've lost your wallet or you haven't
been to the bank?

171
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:50,069
Well, both, as a matter of fact. Now,
I'm going to be quite honest with you,

172
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,570
Bartley. That'll make a change.

173
00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,210
What I need is a little more time.

174
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,870
Well, why didn't you say so?

175
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:57,270
I'm a reasonable man.

176
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,729
Of course you are. I'm not after my
pound of flesh.

177
00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:01,789
Oh, it's a pity. You've got more chance
of getting that than you would the

178
00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:02,840
money.

179
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:07,110
Why don't you belt up? If time is all
you need, Mr. Turner, you've got it. Oh,

180
00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:09,300
thank you very much. I'll give you 24
hours.

181
00:09:09,301 --> 00:09:11,239
Twenty -four, is that all?

182
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,339
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's
people who don't settle their debt.

183
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:17,539
Make it. I'll be round tomorrow morning
with Patana. Yes. Good day to you. Good

184
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:18,590
day to you.

185
00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:22,539
Well, at least I've got a reprieve.

186
00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:24,759
Reprieve? That's the state of execution,
isn't it? Where are you going to get 20

187
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,799
kid from?

188
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:26,879
How much have you got?

189
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,459
Well, Sid, it's your debt, right? Yes.
You know the old saying, neither a

190
00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:35,379
borrower nor a lender be, or as they say
in Wales, a nagnawr sach my conhillor

191
00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:36,430
bloud.

192
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:38,910
What does that mean?

193
00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:40,520
Blow you, Jack. I'm all right.

194
00:09:40,521 --> 00:09:44,799
Thank you very much, friend. I'm not
trying to tap you for 20 quid. I just

195
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,479
happen to be a little bit short, that's
all.

196
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,530
Oh, well, well.

197
00:09:47,531 --> 00:09:48,599
It's different, isn't it?

198
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:49,680
How much you short of?

199
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:51,590
18 pound 10.

200
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:53,550
18 pound 10?

201
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,719
You've only got five balls.

202
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,770
Oh, that's it.

203
00:09:56,771 --> 00:09:59,779
That means you've got £18 .05 to find.
Oh, don't worry. We'll find it in the

204
00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:02,659
boozer tonight. Small game of cards,
matey, and I shall be home and dry. Game

205
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:04,820
cards? With your luck? You're joking!

206
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,819
Don't worry about my luck, matey. With
my system. What system? The best one

207
00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:09,960
used. Which one's that?

208
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,370
Cheating.

209
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,320
Are you quite sure you know what to do?

210
00:10:18,321 --> 00:10:19,539
Yeah, I think so.

211
00:10:19,540 --> 00:10:23,199
I stand behind the victim to see what
suit he's got leased of, and then you

212
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,900
what to call trumps. Right. Right.

213
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,880
We'll go through the code. Right.

214
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,290
Hearts. Hearts.

215
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,470
I think I've got a touch of heartburn.
Good.

216
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,010
Clubs. Clubs.

217
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:34,850
I'm thinking of joining the local golf
club.

218
00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:36,070
Diamonds. Diamonds.

219
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,220
It's my mother's diamond anniversary
today. Spades.

220
00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:41,030
Spades.

221
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:44,479
Farming's very hard work, but we've done
most of the spade work.

222
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,660
Great. All we've got to do now is find a
mug.

223
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:51,940
How do you do, gentlemen?

224
00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,510
Hello. Mug?

225
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:54,770
Gaston?

226
00:10:56,191 --> 00:10:58,199
You having a drink?

227
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,039
Oh, allow me to return the compliment,
sir.

228
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,859
Three, please, sir. Thank you very much.

229
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:02,879
Fancy a game of cards?

230
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:03,930
Oh, why not, sir?

231
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,820
It's seven cards with suture.

232
00:11:07,821 --> 00:11:10,939
Oh, I don't think I'll play with that
game, sir. Oh, it's very simple. It's a

233
00:11:10,940 --> 00:11:12,659
bit like bridge. You should pick it up.

234
00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:15,739
Shall we make a five -shilling trick
just to keep it interesting?

235
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:16,579
Why not?

236
00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:19,220
Are you paying for this lot, Cecil? I
am. I am, Tom.

237
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:20,810
Here we go.

238
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,130
What are trumps?

239
00:11:36,140 --> 00:11:37,900
Not for a touch of heartburn, Sid.

240
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:42,620
Hearts. Don't you have a cup for whoever
picks trumps?

241
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:46,810
Oh, yes.

242
00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:50,400
Thank you very much for reminding me. I
didn't forget.

243
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:52,830
Queen.

244
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,550
King.

245
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,240
Right, what shall we make trumps?

246
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,220
You know, I was thinking of joining the
golf club.

247
00:12:15,191 --> 00:12:17,199
Mother, sir?

248
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,199
No, no, no, no. I thought you hadn't
played before. That's all.

249
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,520
Right, go on. It's your lead.

250
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:22,850
What do we lead?

251
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,210
You know, it's my mother's diamond
wedding today.

252
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,510
Queen of diamonds.

253
00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:35,120
Take it. Go on. It's yours.

254
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,140
Haven't you got any trump, then?

255
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,400
No. Oh, well, then the rest of mine,
sir.

256
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:41,540
35 shillings, I think.

257
00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:46,319
What does that mean?

258
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,940
You should let me play him a dance.

259
00:13:23,780 --> 00:13:24,830
Morning, Victor.

260
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:26,590
Morning, Sid.

261
00:13:26,591 --> 00:13:29,339
You're very cheerful this morning. Why
not? It's a lovely day.

262
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:32,459
Yeah, but it's a small matter of opening
Barclay 20 quid. Oh, that'll be all

263
00:13:32,460 --> 00:13:33,139
fixed up.

264
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:35,730
Aye, aye. Are you hatching up a little
scheme, then?

265
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,040
You buy that.

266
00:13:37,041 --> 00:13:39,179
I'll bring her in here, will you?

267
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:40,230
What's this?

268
00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:42,920
Here, that's our fanny. Yes, fanny.

269
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:45,599
What are you doing with our fanny? This
animal's yours?

270
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,400
Yeah. Well, I found your fanny wondering
about my patio.

271
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,460
Really? What was she doing there?

272
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,960
She's already done it.

273
00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:57,779
Good old Fanny. Yeah, you've got to
excuse us. You've got a touch of the

274
00:13:57,780 --> 00:14:00,299
wanderlust. Yeah, she can't help it.
It's her age, you see. Well, I'll be

275
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,139
obliged if you keep your cattle under
control. I don't want them mixing with

276
00:14:03,140 --> 00:14:06,029
herd. Oh, yeah? What's so special about
yours, cows, then?

277
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,629
Well, they're all pure pedigree
freesians. Oh, yes?

278
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,609
What do you think our Fanny is, a
sheepdog?

279
00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:14,640
With all due respect, she's hardly royal
showstandard. And yours are, I suppose.

280
00:14:15,010 --> 00:14:20,149
Naturally. I suppose your collie won
blue -ribboned at Crufts. No, she won it

281
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,590
the English sheepdog trials.

282
00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:26,550
You can't win, Sid. All right. Tell me,
what's your highest milk yield?

283
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,210
Bluebell III averages 30 pounds a day.

284
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:31,430
33 pounds I get from Fanny.

285
00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:34,560
No, it's quality, not quantity, that's
important.

286
00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:38,759
Bluebell III has the highest cream
content in the country. You should see

287
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,620
Fanny's. It clots as it hits the bucket.

288
00:14:40,621 --> 00:14:44,539
You don't believe me, do you? No,
frankly, no.

289
00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:47,799
Yeah, well, I will bet you that my
Fanny's milk is creamier than your

290
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,259
Bluebell's. Oh, no, no, Mr. Turner, you
already owe me 20 pounds. Double or

291
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:54,879
nothing. No, no, it wouldn't be fair.
Check your knife. See, that's a

292
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,419
thing when it comes to putting his money
where his mouth is. Oh, very well, if

293
00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:59,340
you insist on throwing your money away.

294
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,730
I'll go and get a sample for you. Good,
and I'll get you one from Fanny.

295
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,140
Oh, my God, he fell for that.

296
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,239
Oh, Sid, how do you know that Fanny's
milk is creamier than Bluebell's? I

297
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,179
mate, but it will be when I add the
magic ingredient.

298
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,230
What's that?

299
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,140
Four quarts of double cream.

300
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:20,399
Oh, I don't like it, Sid. You're not
doing it, sir. Belt up. Yeah, but, I

301
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,530
you could be fined 200 quid for
adulterating milk. Oh, don't be

302
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:26,299
Who's going to know? Well, I'll pick
Eddie Bartley for a start.

303
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,830
You'll never find out. What are you
talking about?

304
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:41,719
And what's this?

305
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,190
That's a sample. You just saw me take it
from Fanny.

306
00:15:44,191 --> 00:15:48,599
It's like pure cream. Yes. Well, it's
like milking four tubes of toothpaste.

307
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:49,650
That's amazing.

308
00:15:49,651 --> 00:15:52,119
Well, you'll admit it then. Fanny's won.

309
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,940
Well, we won't know until we get the
official results.

310
00:15:54,941 --> 00:15:56,699
Official results?

311
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,579
Oh, yes. This is a job for the Milk
Marketing Board. Oh, I don't think

312
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:00,630
necessary. I do.

313
00:16:00,631 --> 00:16:03,999
I'll take this sample around with mine
for analysis. We should know the results

314
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,340
tomorrow. Good day to you.

315
00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:10,990
Well, that's it, then, isn't it?

316
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,720
There's somebody up there who doesn't
like me.

317
00:16:13,721 --> 00:16:17,549
200 quid fine, did you say? No, no,
cheer up, Sid. They don't always fine

318
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:20,389
No? No, I read about a chap in a paper
this morning had up for adulterating

319
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:22,560
milk. Yeah? No, he didn't have to pay a
penny.

320
00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:24,370
He got away with it? He got six months.

321
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,660
Sid,

322
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:40,819
it's baguette at Barclay. And Holloway
from the milk marketing board. Tell them

323
00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:41,870
I've emigrated.

324
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,110
Tell them I'm dead.

325
00:16:44,891 --> 00:16:46,739
Come in.

326
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:47,790
Come in.

327
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,130
Morning. Morning.

328
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,730
Sorry about the door.

329
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,070
It was the wind.

330
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:53,500
Seems to have died down now.

331
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,000
Yes. Mr. Turner in? Mr. Turner?

332
00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:58,900
Yes, Mr. Turner. Mr. Turner. Your
partner.

333
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,230
Oh, that Mr. Turner.

334
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,220
Yes, that Mr. Turner. Is he in? No.

335
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,150
Help! Who?

336
00:17:04,151 --> 00:17:05,659
Who is that?

337
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:08,560
Oh, that's my new farmhand.

338
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,270
How long have you had a farmhand? Not
very long.

339
00:17:11,271 --> 00:17:14,139
Oh, a recent acquisition. Yeah, very
recent, yes. Who is he?

340
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:17,019
We may know him. Ah, you wouldn't know
him. You wouldn't know old George.

341
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:18,479
He's not from around his parts.

342
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,960
He's from far, from... from Cornwall.

343
00:17:20,961 --> 00:17:22,699
Well, there's a coincidence.

344
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,078
It is? Yes, I'd pretend to answer
myself. I'd like to have a word with the

345
00:17:25,079 --> 00:17:27,249
fellow corncrumbs. You would, yes. Yes,
yes.

346
00:17:27,591 --> 00:17:29,679
George?

347
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:30,730
George? George!

348
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,490
you are, George.

349
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,890
Mr Evans tells me you're a fellow
Cornishman.

350
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:44,740
Arr. I be that.

351
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,800
Arr. What an incredible accent.

352
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:52,439
Yeah, well, he's travelled about a lot,
you see. He's picked up a bit here, a

353
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,059
bit there.

354
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:54,619
He's picked up a lot, haven't you,
George?

355
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:57,520
Arr. I have that. That I have. Arr.

356
00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,820
You like it here in Fletchley, George?

357
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,880
Arr. I do that. That I do. Arr.

358
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,320
When will Mr Turner be back?

359
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,480
Huh? Oh, not for days.

360
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:09,810
Arr.

361
00:18:09,811 --> 00:18:12,929
Oh, that's a shame, because I wanted to
see him about that sample of milk that

362
00:18:12,930 --> 00:18:15,520
he gave me. Or rather, that Mr. Bartley
gave me to test.

363
00:18:15,521 --> 00:18:18,589
Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that,
Mr. Holloway. But you know, sir, it's

364
00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:21,669
incredible. It had the highest fat
content I've ever come across.

365
00:18:21,670 --> 00:18:23,960
You know, Mr. Turner should be
congratulated.

366
00:18:24,130 --> 00:18:25,290
Pardon? Pardon?

367
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:30,690
You mean the milk was all right? Oh, my
dear fellow, it was simply fantastic.

368
00:18:30,691 --> 00:18:34,009
Yes, between you and me, the board is so
impressed. It's putting on a special

369
00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:37,310
publicity campaign all about Mr. Turner
and his remarkable cow.

370
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:38,620
Get away. Yes.

371
00:18:38,621 --> 00:18:42,179
And we've already arranged an appearance
in Farming Today, and then, of course,

372
00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:45,419
there'll be the TV commercials, and then
it'll be followed up by a lector

373
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:46,919
explaining his farming method.

374
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:47,970
That's a pack of men.

375
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,740
Tell me, Mr. Evans, is that the car in
question?

376
00:18:51,741 --> 00:18:54,419
Yes, that's Fanny. Oh, I wonder. Would
you mind if I go in and have a look? No,

377
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,599
go ahead, please. Thank you very much.
Listen, do you mind if I don't come with

378
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,059
you? I want to have a word with George,
you see.

379
00:18:58,060 --> 00:19:00,110
Would you see yourselves out? Not at
all.

380
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:01,580
Nice to meet you, George.

381
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,780
Oh, likewise, Tui.

382
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:06,330
Good day, Tui.

383
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:11,590
What am I going to do?

384
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:12,539
Well, I don't know.

385
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:15,859
You'll have to go and tell India George
the farm man. I can't keep on doing

386
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,000
that. It hurts me throat.

387
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:21,759
I'll tell you something. If they take a
proper sample from Fanny, I've had it.

388
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:22,900
Well, I know.

389
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:24,920
Say that Fanny's changed her sex.

390
00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:26,260
Oh, don't be ridiculous.

391
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,320
How did she change it?

392
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:29,840
I'll tell you. All right.

393
00:19:29,841 --> 00:19:31,959
We've got to get rid of the evidence.

394
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,010
Ow!

395
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,110
Come on, mate. Ow!

396
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,250
Yes, come on. Sit in!

397
00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:38,559
Sid, you're not going to have Fanny put
down, are you? Oh, don't be stupid. Of

398
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,419
course we're not going to have her put
down. She's going to get a touch of

399
00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:43,059
wanderlust. Wanderlust? That's it,
Fanny. She's going to get lost.

400
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:44,260
Come on, Fanny, darling.

401
00:19:44,261 --> 00:19:45,259
Come on.

402
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:46,310
Come on.

403
00:20:06,850 --> 00:20:09,080
I'm sorry, Fanny, but it's for your own
good.

404
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:10,500
And mine.

405
00:20:11,030 --> 00:20:14,430
You'll be looked after here. You'll be
all right. All modcon, Fanny.

406
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:17,650
Electric milkers. Yes. No icy fingers.

407
00:20:18,890 --> 00:20:21,180
We'll come and see you every now and
then. Yeah.

408
00:20:21,181 --> 00:20:24,589
Hey, do you think Mr Chapman and
Nookness has got a strange cow?

409
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:27,929
There's nothing strange about Fanny. No
extra one, I mean. No, you'll never see

410
00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,250
an extra one among this lot.

411
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,310
Well, that's it, then.

412
00:20:37,691 --> 00:20:44,719
I'm telling you, I feel a lot better.
Yeah, you're in the clear now, Sid. Hey,

413
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:45,800
and you won your bet.

414
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:47,110
And I won my bet.

415
00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:49,810
Let's go and clean out the couches.
Yeah.

416
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,600
All right, Fanny. All right.

417
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,880
Fanny. How did she get here?

418
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,000
She must have followed us home.

419
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:03,240
Oh, there's a clever little girl here.
Oh, shut up. She's not clever at all.

420
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:04,940
Come on, here we go again.

421
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,110
Come on, Fanny. Come on, darling. Come
on in.

422
00:21:07,111 --> 00:21:08,079
Here we are.

423
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,270
I reckon she's part retriever. Yeah, and
I'm part homing pigeon.

424
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,770
Yeah, she's going to have a job on this
time, mate.

425
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,980
Wait a minute, Tammy. Hang on.

426
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,530
Mr.

427
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:37,750
Turner really thought his cow was going
on television.

428
00:21:37,751 --> 00:21:44,279
Now, Reg Holloway and I managed to keep
a straight face, especially at Turner's

429
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,780
impression of a country yokel.

430
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:52,800
He'll have to get up a lot earlier in
the morning to catch Jack Barclay.

431
00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:01,660
Come on, we like a good joke.

432
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,020
You won't like this one.

433
00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:05,520
We've been having you on, Turner.

434
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,820
Reg Holloway and I decided to teach you
a lesson.

435
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,910
The milk marketing board know nothing
about your cow.

436
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,040
They don't? No.

437
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:16,539
Then you might as well look like a right
couple of idiots. That wasn't

438
00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:17,590
difficult.

439
00:22:18,140 --> 00:22:21,919
I said it. It's a nice thing to do. Yes,
almost as bad as you mixing cream with

440
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:22,970
your milk. Oh, wow.

441
00:22:23,580 --> 00:22:24,780
£40, I think you owe me.

442
00:22:24,781 --> 00:22:27,639
Yeah, well, could you bring the table?
General, let me congratulate you.

443
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,139
Don't bother, mate. I know all about it.
I don't think you do. I took a sample

444
00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:33,719
of your cow's milk myself this morning
just to make absolutely certain you'd

445
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:34,599
lost your bet.

446
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,399
And yet the results were staggering.

447
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:36,959
Get away.

448
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,010
Yeah, 4 .8.

449
00:22:38,011 --> 00:22:38,979
Is that good?

450
00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:42,560
Good. Better say it goes, he beats Jack
Barkley. Beats? He beats Jack.

451
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,800
And I don't owe you a shilly, ma 'am.

452
00:22:46,801 --> 00:22:51,019
You'll be entering her into the Royal
Show. Royal Show? Yes. Of course, you'll

453
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:54,390
run away with the first prize. And 200
guineas is not to be sniffed at.

454
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:55,980
200 guineas.

455
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,200
200 guineas. 200 guineas. 200 guineas.

456
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:00,310
Funny. Funny.

457
00:23:00,311 --> 00:23:01,569
Funny.

458
00:23:01,570 --> 00:23:06,120
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